GHOST HUNTERS

I haven't done an installment of my series, Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter in some time, so I thought I'd jump in today discussing something I discuss often with my geek buddies - how do geeks find girls? Anyone who read Julie Ferguson's and my book, Paranormal Geeks , would probably admit that any of the people interviewed in the book are truly date worthy, but how do geeks hook up? Best advance is to begin by finding your potential mates. You don't find Para-Geeks in quite the same places as you do the boring dull masses. You find these smart people poking around ghost tours, staying in haunted B and Bs, tucked into a chair in the para section of the bookstore, attending para, UFO and Scifi conventions, as well as touring historic sites. They might be involved in Cosplay and reenactments. They might be going to a Steampunk Convention or attending haunted attractions. You might find them at a MUFON meeting or a metaphysical store getting an aura photo. Geeks often nee...

It was comforting to learn that men can be self conscious about how they can pull off a costume because it sure as hell is a nightmare for women at Halloween time. There are not many unrevealing costume available for the ladies and it becomes as anxiety-provoking as bikini season. You men need not worry about how you can pull off a costume. You don't have to be buff for any of these costumes below, just be ready to have attitude and women's hearts will palpitate.  The thing to know is that women are very fantasy-oriented. Sex begins in our brains. It's not what you show us, it's what you don't show, but what you elude to.... 5 BEST costumes to win a woman The Phantom doesn't have to show his whole face, in fact, that is part of why he's so damned attractive to women. We can't tell quite what the man behind the mask is like, but the tease of skin makes us wonder and the penetrating eye through the mask has our attention. It is both a terribly romantic f...

Three and a half years into the singles thing, I still haven't dated. It doesn't mean I haven't had relationships, but they weren't like dating, they were more like ships that pass in the night or flirtations that went nowhere, friendships that didn't become romantic, or long-distance longing.  It has been a constant battle to find, not only a man that I share values and intellect, interests and sexual chemistry with, but also one of those fine gems who is actually available in his 50s. The only two holidays that bother me are New Year's and Valentine's because traditionally they are spent with someone you love.  Not that every day shouldn't be spent with someone you love, but this particular holiday is all about pairing off and going on a date. I found my dream date dress. I was inches from buying it and then thought, "why are you buying a dress when you have had no reason to wear it?"  (I've had one occasion in the past 10 years to wear a...

  First time I told my ex I loved him, he had to think about it for a few weeks. He finally said it with much hesitation and not at all naturally speaking from his heart or soul. I wasn't demanding the words, but I think he got to noticing the silence after I said it at the end of each evening. Emoting was an especially uncomfortable thing for him. Ultimately, at the end of the marriage, I was begging him to be kind to me, to kiss me, to say something nice. I didn't realize, maybe he never really wanted to be there the whole 31 years. It was an intimate situation for someone who was uncomfortable with intimacy. As I left the marriage, I found a transitional man that vigorously wooed me, was into all the same things as me, thought I could do anything, was tender, funny, lovable, and passionate. I told him I loved him and he didn't speak to me again for years.  Then, I found a guy who was everything my ex wasn't. We were talking about living together and I finally told...

Planning vacation and feeling oh so relaxed to know that for the first time in my adult life, I was taking 2 weeks off work! This lady needed a vacation badly, but how does a single person vacation? I had never thought of that my entire life. I was with my ex since I was 16. When we divorced, I immediately went on a road trip vacation with my son and his fiancee. It was fun to know that I could pick the place, the restaurants, and how to use my time instead of the old way which was often referred to as the "hostage situation." Still, I wasn't sure how to be an individual and vacation. I don't even go to restaurants alone. I hate to sit at a table by myself. Rule of single vacationing - pack a friend or a few friends. I was lucky Julie was willing to trek along this 10-day Appalachian frenzy of paranormal exploration and family reunion. Bless her heart. She had no idea just how much countryside I would drag her through and how many ticks.   It was somewhat of a busines...

It's oddities week and Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter Friday - So, let's talk about oddities. I met a man who was handsome, had a steady job, in great shape, real nice. But, he was also a kind of a bland guy with no interests, hobbies, not really sure what he was. He had no quirks of personality. He had no accent. He had few facial expressions. He wasn't into horror, paranormal, going to carnivals, stargazing, collecting movie memorabilia, or any other oddities that would make him, well, interesting or even memorable.   A man who can wear a tatt or a hat -    Oddities are what make someone a complete character. Any author knows that their characters must have little quirks to make them seem real. A guy who likes to see every episode of MST3000 and gets excited to do bumper cars is quirky. Another man who can repeat verses of Poe and likes to beachcomb with a metal detector is delightful. Oddities. They make someone more human.. It's the things we become obsessed about...

I've gone to a lot of places alone in the dark that many people would not, abandoned jail, haunted house, cemetery, abandoned building, the woods... But, there are plenty of horrifying moments I'd still like to experience. Pushing the envelope for fear factor, I can't think of much more terrifying to me than camping completely alone in the woods. There is a vulnerability, between running into evil people who find out you're alone to bears and wild cats. I'm not even listing Bigfoot because the whole reason I'd do this is to hopefully have a little time alone in a nonthreatening way with one. It's that last person on earth sensation that would be really unsettling and what can't be seen past the ring of the campfire.... I'd like to see how I would hold up to being in a dungeon in an ancient castle that has seen an evil past, like Chillingham, and spend the night in there with nothing more than a candle and pack of matches. To call upon the ghosts, jus...

I am queen of road trips!  But, if I were designing them for spook factor, I think I could come up with some divine itineraries - Cemetery Theme:   Plotting out a trek, I would find 3 cemeteries I want to explore. I would leave at noon, stopping at a beautiful old cemetery, spreading out a blanket, and having a picnic. After, that, I would take a trash bag around, clean up, right the fallen vases of flowers, and leave some flowers on old graves no one attends. Driving on to the next cemetery, I would pull out my sketch book and practice my drawing with lots of mood and atmosphere. I'd pull out my camera and work on making some haunted, creepy photos, and maybe do some grave rubbings. The last stop would be closer to sunset. I'd put on a white gown and pose in haunting ways for some memorable timed pictures as the sunlight is dying. When it turns dark, I would wander the grounds in the dark without any light and dance among the headstones, sit still for a time and see if any s...

What's romantic to one girl is not to the next.  The courtship thing is a delicate dance. If a guy knows his girl, what gets her excited is different than any other girl. What would my guy have to know? That the most romantic date I ever had involved a road trip involving torrential rain, hail, cold winds, sunshine, warmth, and stopping at every unexplained site along the way. Kissing in a parking lot as if no one else was around. So, what sorts of dates would be my dream dates? Roadside carnival. Drive-in movie. Blanket on the ground, watching the stars with music playing. Exploring an unexplained site, seeking bigfoot, doing a ghost study, photographing abandoned sites. Going downtown to photograph historic buildings and buying lunch from a roadside vendor wagon. State Fair. Metal detecting to look for relics, gold or meteorites. Museum with old bones, historic finds, or mummies. Farmer's market. Running in the rain to the park to make out under a tree in a dry spot. Watching...

I had single friends years ago when I was married and I would sigh when they would complain about finding their man. "Figure out what he does, where he lives, where he is on a Saturday night. Stalk his hunting grounds, i.e. muscle car shows on the weekend, Barnes and Noble on a Sunday afternoon, investing seminars on week nights, meetup groups for photographers...." Now that I'm single, I wonder where my type is? Some quirky things I'd like in a guy ( don't need them all but some would be awesome ) - Wears flip flops (not necessarily sandals) Drives a jeep Loves dogs (not so much the little ones, the medium and big ones) Loves the outdoors Can sit at a bonfire and watch the stars, tell spooky stories or talk about UFOs and the universe Loves to skinny dip Doesn't just enjoy sex, but enjoys the sensuality of it all Not a picky eater, okay with salads or new foods Would rather order beer than wine or liquor Thinks autumn is the best season Freaks out and goes ov...

Starting tomorrow, GHT will be covering the funny side of all paranormal things and I'm setting it off with, well, one of my installments of Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter - Making sense of men as an adult when the last time I dated I was 16 is a really enlightening experience and, upon occasion, utterly ridiculous. Message on Facebook from an avid suitor:   Him: "I promise, I just want to take you to dinner at a restaurant at a resort I won a night at. Just dinner. We don't have to go to my room. Promise." Me: "I don't know. I'll think about it." Him: "Dude, it worked. I think I have her convinced. She's almost gonna say yes. Score the whole night!" Me: "Wrong message box. You just sent me the message for your buddy." (click) Singles site private message from someone who read my profile : Him:  "Your profile says that you just want an email relationship for now, but it says you want someone who is affectionate. How t...

A woman who dreams of having a house in the foothills, a sports car, adorable twin toddlers, and a size 2 body is going to be compatible with a very narrow group of men - the ego driven ambitious types seeking a trophy wife. A woman who dreams of living in the country, having an organic garden, making her own wines, and running a farmer's market table is going to be compatible with a very narrow group of men - liberal, eco-weenie, jeep-driving, sandal-wearing men. As much a generalization as that is, the truth is that we become unhappy in relationships that limit us. My ex, for instance, hated to travel, did not ever wonder at the universe or do things spontaneously, thought anything paranormal was hooey, and did not have a sense of humor in the least. To be in that relationship, one of us had to change and it wouldn't be the stubborn grumpy pants, it was up to me. That led to feelings of hidden resentment and a melancholy at dreams not lived and an in-genuine life. I am realiz...

I'm curious by nature and even more easily amused by social trends. I did not buy a pet rock or a mood ring when they were "in." I did not rush out to buy my Calvin Klein jeans even with a thick-eyebrowed, underaged Brooke Shields telling us nothing came between her and her Calvins. No, I still don't own a cell phone. I feel like I will have finally become part of the Borg collective when that occurs. So, for my own perverse pleasure, a year ago, I put myself up on a dating site. Oh, don't worry, it was quite anonymous. Still, I wanted to see what the reaction would be and what the dreadful come-on's would be. Oh, they definitely satisfied my need for cheese, total hot oozing cheese. Here's my favorite message that came my way within the first hour I was on the site ( oh, and sorry this didn't come with antinausea medicine ): My Sweet Angel, Thank you for the wonderful evening in my dream's what a romantic night as we strolled along the beach line,...

I had a husband for 26 years who was without a sense of humor, never smiled, didn't laugh, and didn't understand "antics." Imagine that!  We were Dharma and Greg except without the compromises on both parts. Being divorced, I have come alive in that I can be myself 24/7 without someone frowning upon it like a frustrated parent with an ADD child. I am a playful being and that is part of me. I have a quick wit, a sense of the ridiculousness of life, and want to play. Without a playful outlet, how do any of us find the joy in life and the the resilience to handle the bad shit? Women are admittedly romance freaks, but for us romance and playfulness are the same thing. It's not that you got us flowers, it's that you pulled your car over on the side of the road and picked the wildflowers on the way home on a whim. It's that unusual and unexpected effort, or that spontaneous action and flexibility that makes a woman feel all gooey inside. We simply like to know ...

  I grew up with Thanksgivings that were huge formal events with dozens of people at our estate. Mother especially liked to invite my father's co-workers from DC who had no family in town or were single and alone. We cooked a few turkeys. All us daughters worked the kitchen hard all day while the men watched football. I learned all my cooking and hostessing skills, as well as my cleaning skills. Christmases involved cutting down a tree in the woods near our home and putting candles on it for a Norwegian Christmas. We had smorgasbord on Christmas Eve and when guests left, we opened our gifts that night. On Christmas morning, the only thing under the tree was unopened gifts from Santa. Holidays were quite magical.   When I was married for 26 years, I cooked the entire elaborate meal and had friends over, especially ones without family in town or who were single.  I made four kinds of pies and a spread that made everyone pass out on the sofa afterwards. Christmas had many tr...

I know I haven't done a Sex and the Single Ghost hunter in a while and mostly because I have put any hopes of romance on hold and have focused instead on other aspects of my life that have more promise, like my career and working my body into rock hard form to do a bikini shoot-- a personal goal . First, I want to say that I LOVE having my maiden name back again. Every time I see it written or hear someone say it, it's like hearing from an old friend. I suddenly feel like I'm me. The real me! Now, keeping in mind that I was "taken" from the time I was 16 until two years ago. I can be quite confused and naive about this adult single thing. I'm learning lessons, not always ones I want to, but ones I need to learn to make me stronger. Here's just some of the realizations I've made - Being single is nothing like "Sex in the City" or "Friends." My images of being single for me were TV shows where the person complains about being single,...