GHOST HUNTERS

Let’s review the pro’s and con’s of the different types of horror movies bad guys: Human-you-can’t-kill: Jason and Michael come to mind immediately. This is an interesting concept. They look like they should be able to be reasoned with because they’re human, but they can’t. And, worse, that kitchen knife only pisses them off more, but doesn’t kill them! No super powers here, other than invincibility. They seem to walk way way way too slow and yet they catch up to you. You can easily hide from them, but eventually they find you. You don’t have a lot of options to kill them, but honestly just poking their eyes out should pretty much take them out of business. Vampire/Werewolf/Zombie: The romantic vampires will make you have an orgasm while they drink your blood— talk about the “little death! If they do the vampire the right way, he’s just feeding like in “30 Days of Night” and has no soul. That’s horrifying. They can’t be killed and they want you with a hungry focus. Good combo for t

Those who’ve been following me for a long time, probably remember my last hot summer in the desert was spent researching 50 haunted places to come up with a haunted formula. I want to expand that formula further with some studies of leylines and geomagnetic activity. I will be studying ancient astronomical sites and why so many ancient civilizations all around the globe simultaneously looked to the heavens and made stone monuments to track the movement of planets and the alignment of stars. Speculation abounds about the location of these stone observatories and if they were centered over leylines where earth’s lines of energy crisscrossed. This ancient knowledge about the Earth and the use of stone structures, along with proper geology might have actually had the potential to make these structures more than just observatories, but perhaps also spiritual power centers. Are haunted sites atop of leylines that amplify events that occur there? Empower them to be able to record information?

I know, I know…we haven’t been able to shake all the reality shows about the fine citizens of New Jersey and we’re talking about the death of ghost hunting shows? But, all these TV trends fade away over time. How many 70s shows focused on a woman with magical powers? How many 80s shows sported a growth-stunted African American child-man? How many 90s shows dealt with newly-divorced inept fathers? Have ghost huntings shows played out their time here already? It doesn’t seem as if they have anything new to offer. “Ghost Hunters” really started the whole thing by demystifying what it’s like to sit in a creaky old house and wait for proof of interaction. Then, “Ghost Adventures” decided that like a rowdy roaming frat party, they’d bust in and taunt the ghosts. “Ghost Lab” thought they might throw around some theories and see if any of them stick, while using the same techniques TAPS and “Ghost Adventures” used but with a huge bank of equipment to make it look more important. How about some

A while back, I wrote about whether it was possible to make a zombie . I am fixated on werewolves right now, as I am writing an erotic werewolf novella. So, I started to wonder, what if we took it seriously like I did with zombies and talked about the intricacies of actually making a werewolf. Let’s explore … Let’s look at some conditions that might create a werewolf-like condition: Ergot poisoning: A condition in which someone ingests a fungus from a rye or cereals. It is one of the theories behind the witch hunt in Salem. In ergot poisoning one gets spasms, seizures, and hallucinations. The fact is, this condition would make someone so incapacitated that they wouldn’t be able to be much threat to anyone, but during their fits, they would appear to be transforming. Berserkers: Those famous Nordic fighters, were actually warriors who donned the skins of animals and took on their characteristics in fighting fits. That would be mimicry and costuming, but hardly a true werewolf in the s

My dear friend Anadae introduced me to this trailer and although the creature is CGI (I hate CGI) the concept is so cool and it's so creepy, reminds me of "It's Alive." It's coming out this summer and that's when I like to watch movies at the theater cause it's 110 freakin' degrees outside, so why not? This'll be on my list.

Wednesday night on SyFy, the TAPS team on “Ghost Hunters” will be rushing to the aid of a family with a portal to the other side in a child’s bedroom ( can you say “Poltergeist” ?) This episode has promised to have the most amazing evidence they’ve ever gotten and I’m seriously hoping it's even better than the St. Augustine Lighthouse episode and the Stanley Hotel one. I'm ready to hunker down and watch it, but I'm still have Josh withdrawal. To get over it, I'm working on another installment of LAUGH series called "Destination Spoof" that deals with just "Destination Truth." I will warn you when it's going up. I'm also going to try my hand at some short MST-type videos where I mock scenes from scary movies. I will keep you posted on that too. So, don’t forget to set your recorders and sit down and have a cup of hot tea or cocoa and enjoy Wednesday’s episode. If you want to tell me what you thought of it, put a comment on this post when you&#

Ya'all know about the place I grew up in Fairfax, VA. It is a 260-year-old home that was once a very nice estate with outbuildings but a nasty son-of-a-bitch contractor bought it and wanted to tear it down. It was saved from the wrecking ball by conservationists and historical society, but he was allowed to tear down the back boxwood maze, orchards, and outbuildings to build condos around it, leaving the mansion and the front boxwood maze intact. Recently a dear friend in the blog world, "Rowan MacLeod" went there with her team and took pictures of the place. As you can see, the deer love to graze in the boxwood gardens. The house is looking very nice. When we lived there, it was a Confederate gray, but the pale yellow is rather nice too. I thought you'd get a kick out of seeing how it's doing nowadays. I still have a goal of getting there and doing a hunt. My father, mother, sister, brother, and our dear family friend have all passed on and each one vowed to haun

You’ve seen the taunting teams on ghost hunting shows. You’ve seen the boring teams that rattle of questions like tired cops in an interrogation room. You’ve heard them whine and plead and threaten to leave or promise to leave… But, does any of this do any good??? I truly believe in my experiences in ghost hunting that intentions are critically important. I’ve been in large groups where some folks were praying, pleading, prodding and threatening. Might it work that you could piss off a ghost enough to make him react to your taunting? Nope, not really. Of course, getting oneself worked up like can make you emotionally sensitive. Have you ever been in a fight and someone’s silence or just the way they look at you makes you more pissed off? Getting worked up has an amazing effect, from increased heart rate, blood pressure, sweating, acute senses, hyperventilation… You ever seen a dog chase his tail mercilessly??? Can you remember a time when taunting and drilling made you give the torment

I like this one. It feels like I snuck in with a gang of teens and am exploring a world that no grownups rule. I love abandoned places, as ya'all know. I love the part where he looks down at the auditorium seats and you realize that what's so fascinating about abandoned places is that post-apocalyptic feeling when humans no longer inhabit the world they created. It's like a hollow shell without a beating heart... a body without a soul...a sleeping corpse. ..

Well, I put in the statues, defined the area with little boulders, let the vines take over and ground cover. Now that it's grown in, I plan to put the headstones in next and age them really well and then find some short wrought iron fencing and maybe a way to hang lanterns for light so when I take the laptop out at night to write my horror stories, I can have the cemetery alit next to me and enjoy the atmosphere. I'm digging it to so far. It was a great use of a dark corner where nothing would grow without sunlight and it inspires me when I'm writing to be near something kind of gothic and cool. Next project? I have a dream of making a very large Green Man for my garden. Not sure just how I want him portrayed, but I definitely want do something sculptural...

***Notice ya'all that on the righthand side of my blog there's a section for great reads--it has links to all my LAUGH series making fun of TV ghost hunter shows. Now, you can read them in order any time you wish*** MONDAY: SyFy: “Ghost Whisperer” marathon TUESDAY: History Channel: “Ancient Aliens” (2 hours) Special about ancient visitations by aliens. WEDNESDAY: SyFy: “Ghost Hunters” This is one I’m actually FINALLY excited about. They better come through. They advertised they will get the most amazing evidence ever. A Massachusetts home with loads of activity. This will actually be the first episode I’ve watched all of this entire season. History Channel: “Monsterquest” Episode about the Sierra Bigfoot. THURSDAY: SyFy: “Skeleton Key” movie followed by “Stephen King’s Desperation” FRIDAY: Travel Channel: Repeat episodes of “Ghost Adventures” Yeah, paranormal TV and scary movies are rare right now, probably because the programmers know that there’s spring fever in the air

( Another post by my ventriloquist doll, Dale ) You might ask why I do not refer to myself and my kind as “dummies,” but you humans have derogatory terms for your own kind that you should not utter. "Dummy" is one such word. We are dolls and very proud to be, in fact. We would much rather be facsimiles than real humans because we are able to parody what makes you so grotesque to us. Oh, and word to the wise, do not ever ask me about marionette puppets. They are considerably lower on the family scale, the mentally challenged of my kind. Do not mix the two of us up! I’m rather proud of my family. They have accomplished much in their lifetimes. To be from such a lineage is a mark of quality and integrity. That is me in the picture typing this post. I work very hard when the human is asleep, so that her blog can represent my kind. To my fellow doll followers, I thank you for your unending devotion. Let me begin with my grandfather, Martin. That’s him in the picture with his

"Zak Bagans Autobiography" Okay ya'all, I don't know what to say, except my offspring is at it again with his amazing vids. I do scripted parodies, he does video ones. His name on YouTube is "Beatemorburnem" ( the line from "Night of the Living Dead" ). This particular video is likely to make you wet yourself, so be ready. It's short but oh so brilliant. Consider it a day in the life of Zak online. He has a love/hate thing with Zak. You know, he thinks he's a douche, but he also adores the show and, like "The Soup," he hopes it never gets cancelled or the world just wouldn't be the same.

EVP (electronic voice phenomenon) is the supposed capturing of spirit voices on a recorder that aren’t heard by the human ear at the time of the recording. I readily admit that EVP is not an easy thing to gather in the field or evaluate. There are several obstacles to getting good recordings. The most obvious is sound intrusion. Most sites I’ve been to for study have been too noisy to gather EVP because of road/aircraft sounds and the cries of children playing in the street, and other things that could be interfering. It would be nearly impossible to set up an environment for complete clean capture by the simple fact that our airwaves are filled with signals from radios to CB’s, from cell phones to satellite phones. A recording device is a receiver and so therefore we can’t really be certain we’ve captured a ghost’s voice. It would take a scientifically designed special room with shielding to get an accurate record. That’s an experiment I’d like to see someone install in a building wit

A friend showed me this band Finntroll thinking I’d like it cause it’s Finnish, but I’m not much into the screamer stuff; I guess I don’t have enough testosterone . But, this video was so inspiring to me that I want the movie form of it—sans the music! I’m positively obsessed with Nordic horror and imagery. The way they film things is exactly how I would want to do them. If you wonder about the erotic werewolf novella I’m writing, the imagery in this video reminds me of it! I could watch it over and over again.

Another installment of my series poking loving fun at TV’s ghost hunters ( I'm probably going to start doing these less often because I don't want to burn out of material--but I will always warn you when one is coming on a Friday posting so you can still have Friday laughs ). Here are the other installments in case you missed any: 1. LAUGH: Ghost Hunters Dialogue 2. LAUGH: Ghost Hunters Adventure 3. LAUGH: Ghost Hunters Hunt 4. LAUGH: Ghost Hunters Prove Ghosts! WARNING: Do not drink anything while reading this or it is likely to spew out your nose. MODERATOR: Tonight we’re having a special ghost hunt in this abandoned mental hospital. In the spirit of doing something daring, two famous TV ghost hunting teams are going to swap partners. Jason and Grant will be taking Nick and Aaron from “Ghost Adventures” onto their team. Zak Bagans will take “Ghost Hunting’s” Kris and Steve on his team. ( camera comes up in a large rec room on the third floor with a few metal chairs

( Never fear, “LAUGH: Ghost Hunters” installment will show up in the late afternoon on Friday as promised ) I was conversing with one of my very favorite horror movie reviewers at Anything Horror Central and we knocked around the concept that the cover art on horror DVDs should match the quality of the film. Some covers are suspiciously awesome and the movie sucks. The problem with planting a seed for me is that I actually do it--so here's the ones I've cobbled together with my limited PhotoShop skills. I think they show the quality of the film and what you can expect by the cover art. Enjoy! And, if you want someone who talks like me and is real and sharp and genuine, you really have to follow the link above to Anything Horror Central. He’ll take the hits for you and see the bad shit so you don’t have to.

NOTE: You might also want to read a previous post I wrote about how to be a ghost magnet . I have only met one or two people hunting ghosts who have not had an experience with a ghost that prompted the whole search. There are still some who love all things ghosts, but have yet to have a personal encounter. Those are the people I want to focus on in this post. The interesting thing about most encounters with the paranormal, they’re serendipitous. Even ghost hunters have no guarantee on any evening they’re going to have something happen ( look at “Ghost Hunters” lame episodes ). You know the old saying about watched pots never boil? So, how are you supposed to have this amazing incident that will forever change your life and your views on the afterlife? By upping your odds and skills. Well, let’s look at the conditions in which others have run into the paranormal. 1. In the bedroom 2. Home alone 3. Silent places 4. Old historic buildings with tragic histories 5. Haunted tours 6.

**Above--Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum. Of the 50 places I studied, this has the only off-the-scale elements for a dream haunting. Geology: Limestone, shale, sandstone. One of the largest cut stone structures in America, older than 50 years, has seen an enormous amount of death and anguish for prolonged periods of time, has a waterway nearby, a cemetery on grounds, and even that common element that I have yet to prove is signficant--it's near train tracks. ** ( This is a reprint of a post from Saturday, July 4, 2009. I am posting it because this coming summer, I'm hoping to do more research past just the haunted formula and adding the element of geomagnetic activity, something I talk about often on here and that I've found correlates strongly with active nights ) Exhausted. Hate numbers. Really hate making tables. My curiosity started this whole weird journey into making a haunted formula. I think any of us would be able to say which places feel more haunted than others. I

“Ghost Hunters” on SyFy Channel tonight goes to a mob hangout in Cape Cod. “Destination Truth” on SyFy Channel tonight is the season finale ( it happened so fast! ) Josh and the gang will be hitting Easter Island for a ghostly spectre (yahoo!) and New Zealand looking for an extinct flightless bird.

( this is a reprint of an older post that many might have missed ) Piloerection is the fancy word for goosebumps. This is caused by the muscles at the bases of the hairs on our bodies reacting to cold or fear. The body hairs become erect in a desire to insulate the body better by trapping air within the pores. Static electrical charges cause hairs to stand away from other hairs or repel ( kind of like that magnet trick in elementary school ). Rub a balloon against your shirt and then run it over your hair and it stands on end much the same as what your body hairs do. Encountering static electricity, fear, or cold can cause goosebumps in haunted locations, but can the paranormal do it? I’m studying static electricity a bit further in my ghost hunting theories. I’ve noticed a trend on ghost hunts between electrical storms and dry windy conditions and higher incidence of phenomenon. You’ve had it happen before on a dry day, in a dry environment, you reach for a doorknob and zap! Here in t

(Another installment written by my home decoration, a ventriloquist doll named Dale. He likes to get up at night from his display and wander the house. He thinks I don’t know he blogs, but I run across his posts…he’s not that smart) I wander the house at night. What else is there to do while the world is silent? I’m used to the TV running, the radio blaring, the human knocking around pots and pans and laughing on the telephone. I don’t need people, but I do need their noise . My first stop of the evening is the human’s bedroom. She sleeps funny. I noticed that she has some kind of long weird pillow she wraps her body around when she sleeps. It looks most awkward to me. Her hair is everywhere and I can barely see her face. One time, I made some noise to see if she would open her eyes and stare at me. I laughed so hard, imaging her horror at having my face so near hers when she was unsuspecting. But, she ignored my attempts at waking her. Just as well, I will find another way to frighte

Clank, clank, clank! This drew her attention. She eyed his enormous dark shape on the post, the wind making him slap back and forth as if trying to loosen from his mooring. His tattered clothing whipped about him angrily. The inanimate had come to life, his shadowed face pale beneath the large hat, but she felt it. His eyes were upon her. As soon as he freed himself, it was her farmhouse window he would be knocking upon. She picked up her basket of corn and raced from the field, willing herself not to look back. Then, as she approached the safety of the backyard, she had the courage to face him again. His head bobbed now in the full force of the coming storm's energy. The hat flew from his head and, in the dying light of the day, she saw him throw back his head and stare her down as he unhinged from his cross and jumped to the earth with a heavy thump . (The above is an unedited piece from a short story about a scarecrow I'm writing) I am utterly fascinated by scarecrows. No, n

MONDAY: Nope TUESDAY: Travel Channel “Mysteries of the Smithsonian,” followed by a few repeats of “Ghost Adventures” WEDNESDAY: Discovery Channel “Weird or What?” episode "Strange Survival" Killer ice rains from the sky, self-propelled rocks and instances in which severed feet have washed ashore are investigated in the opener of the documentary show. SyFy “Ghost Hunters” episode “Inn of the Dead” in Cape Cod. Following that... “Destination Truth” Will have its season finale!( I will be going through a brief grieving period so bear with me—weaning off of Josh and the gang is harder than it would be to go off meth ) This episode looks for restless spirits on Easter Island—awesome! And flightless birds thought extinct in New Zealand. Wahoo! The drinking game for this show has become taking a drink whenever the team takes a new form of transportation ( yes going on foot counts too ). THURSDAY: FX channel “The Day After Tomorrow” movie followed by the movie “Armageddon” FRI

PERMANENCE : The permanent marking of one’s body with a symbol can be a rite of passage into a new stage of adulthood, but it can also be a whim with lasting ramifications. Imagine for a moment that you dyed your hair purple when the punk scene was at its height, but you are now stuck with purple hair through the 90s and into the new millennium? FOREVER SYMBOL: I know people who have gotten tattoos when they were heavily into a phase, whether it was vampires or fairies, only to later realize that they had burned out on that phase and were now totally into...skulls. If you have a track record of loving something until you hate it, you need to be super careful when picking a tatt. This thing is going to be your symbol. In fact, a good tattoo will make people think of you immediately and know that it’s totally “you” in every way. It should embody your essence in color, design, and symbolism. A bad tatt will have people staring at the picture, then at you, then at the picture, trying to f