GHOST HUNTERS

Tornados have Fujita Scale to determine the wind speeds based on ground damage. Paranormal investigators use EVPs classes to discern the quality of their audio recordings. So how do we rank the blobsquatches as they dance across our computer screens? Here’s my suggested rating scale: Picasso:   These are the ones that are found in the shapes of shadows and leaves in the forest. If someone hands you a photo and says, “... see, it’s to the right of that tree stump, see the eyes up here and the outline of the head and the right side of the neck and an arm down here? What? Are you blind, you can't see that! ” (taps on the picture repeatedly) and all you see is sumac and honey locust, then this is in the eyes of the beholder.  In EVP terms, this is a class D. It's a sound, but not language. Carole King:  Called this because it's "... so far away ."  Damn, why does that Bigfoot have to steer clear of humans? Zoom in until its pixelated, you'll see a black mass. ...

I moved west in the late 70s. It was quite a different time. Coming from the DC area, everything west of the Mississippi truly was a foreign country. My family went in a caravan of cars across country. All I knew about this exotic place was that I'd have a swimming pool and for a girl who was a fish and a springboard diver, it sounded like heaven. And in my romantic mind, I imagined hitching posts and Indians on horseback. The CB radio in my sister's car, I used to talk to the other cars in our caravan, but more often than not flirted with the truckers. I went by the handle "Cactus Flower." It sounded so mature and so forbidden. I had no idea at the time that a flower could actually grow on a cactus. I thought the term was an oxymoron. Boy, was I fucking right! ( Is it just me, or are those cacti giving us the finger? ) We arrived at our rental home in the dark. I literally walked through the house, not caring to look and stripped off my clothes down to my bikini and ...