GHOST HUNTERS

Most readers of the blog the past several years are aware of Dale the Doll - my sidekick and constant pesky thorn in my side. Well, each October he is possessed by a evil magician's spirit and causes troubles. One year, he hid all my knives. Another year he tried to lead a gang of dolls against me, yet another year he tried to turn me into a zombie. This year, he found my horror movie collection and thought he had a bright idea....

Many of you who have followed the blog for years, know about Dale the Doll, my sidekick of a sort. He hates living with "The Human" and I tolerate his presence. But, come October, for the entire month, he is possessed by the spirit of an evil magician and he plays pranks on me, terrorizes me and generally makes living difficult. Well, here's a couple videos to show you what's up. If you like Dale (I will never understand that), please like his fan club page on Facebook.

Hey, this is Dale the Doll, The Human's sidekick. It's that month again when I'm possessed by the soul of a dead magician and act up (more than usual).  I've been looking at The Human and I think I can do her jobs. She takes glamor shots, so I took this one of me. She also does Candlelight Tales, so I made my own version. Why don't you compare for yourself?

I know what humans think of ventriloquist dolls; that we are dummies. We are anything but dumb! Our comedians would not be able to come up with good material without our psychic input. We feed them the lines. They do not feed them to us.  Humans seem to think that we dolls are creepy. That is far from the truth! We actually are beautiful in the eyes of our dollmakers. Here are some wonderful examples of how very handsome we can be -  

It's getting to be that time of year again when my sidekick ventriloquist doll, Dale, begins to be possessed by the dead magician's spirit and tries to drive me insane with his mischief. This year, it would appear, he's fixated on my alter ego, Liz the Zombie, from my Zombie Housewives of the Apocalypse book. He's determined to turn me into a zombie. Here's a few attempts so far - October is going to be insane and if he writes posts on my blog by stealing my laptop at night, I am not responsible!

He's obsessed with the book and with the character, Liz. I'm not sure if he understands I am Liz, but he looks at me kinda funny, like he's looking for the zombie inside me.

Thanks sooooo much for the great reviews. People are even buying copies for their family members so they don't have to share. "Zombie Housewives of the Apocalypse" is getting a fantastic reception from the public and people are digging this most unusual genre, unusual premise. Even Dale the Doll is a #1 fan.

Tell me the truth. Am I a zombie? I was created to do my master's bidding. And there's more...

I'm contemplating this presidential election thing. I think I could make a pretty good president. If presidents are puppets, then I am overqualified and, what's more, no one will ever complain about me being a puppet going in because I've been real upfront about that. Whoever has the dough to grease my wheels, I'll move my mouth and their voice will come out. I think this is an ideal gig for me. Plus, I always wanted to sleep in Lincoln's Bedroom. I don't mind someone pulling my strings, so no conscience troubles there. I was made for this kind of game. Yup, consider Dale the Doll in 2012. At least I'm honest about whose lap I'm sitting on. Oh, and if you nominate me, I will have Skittles the Clown as my running mate. Every president should have a clown at this side.

So, y'all are probably wondering what Dale is up to. It's October--he's possessed, right? I've been keeping him in the front window to scare the kiddies, with Hellspawn and Skittles flanking him. They do a fair job of keeping him out of trouble, but the other night he snuck out and managed to rattle the blinds and scare the crap out of me. I'm putting him in his "my first Halloween" baby onesie that he despises and I found the perfect punishment: Dale despises vapid valley girls, so I chatter valley girl speak to him and he, well, becomes rather catatonic. Works like a charm! Enjoy!

Should anything happen to me, blame The Human. The Human put me back in my Halloween fucking-humiliating pajamas again. It's her way of putting me in my place every autumn. This year, I'm not feeling the confidence I did before. The first October, I totally ruled the roost. Last October, she got Skittles the Clown to guard me and it ended up that The Human and I had to team up against the spooky dude. This fall, however, I see a certain stubbornness in her eyes and you know what redheads are like! I can't pull one over on her yet. Oh, a little prank here and there, but she laughs them off! It's like nothing scares her anymore. If she wasn't a human, I'd suspect she was possessed by a doll's heart. I noticed she's watching horror movies nonstop again (it's that time of year), so I was thinking maybe I could get some good ideas from the movies. Tell me, what movie do you think was particularly scary from a human perspective? "Dead Silence,"...

On a happier note, had fun at Spirit Halloween again! Here's guy costumes I find sexy! If I had a date on Halloween--I would so totally wear this! Clowns are evil!

I don't know what's up with The Human, but she's onto me. I know she's psychic, but it's never really worked on me, at least I don't think so. But, for some reason every time I go to play a prank on her, she's one step ahead of me. I was going to hide the knives the other night and she caught me. I finally got one and hid it in the sofa and she found it and made me sit on it! Now, she's having me sleep beside Skittles the Clown doll every night because she knows he keeps an eye on me. I tried bribing him because I know he likes horror movies, but he wasn't really liking "Troll Hunters" probably because he can't read and the subtitles confused him. So, I'm going to ask my readers, what should I do that The Human would never expect me to do? What kind of prank could I pull on her that she wouldn't see coming? And, don't tell me to film her sleeping because I did that last October. She'd see that one coming.