Hunting Females

Hey, I want to thank Timoteo for this concept. He said I should write an instruction book on females and their mysteries and I figured I have more secret knowledge about women than I'll ever have about the ghost world.

Let's assume your purpose in understanding the female is to make a relationship and "get some" regularly, and perhaps not be in misery once achieving these goals.

Here's what you need to know about the female before you go hunting:

Your woman dresses up to go out. She does this so you know what a prize you have, but also because she knows you want to show others your status as the man who can get such a prize.

If you tell her that she needs to dress down because you want to wear jeans, don't expect to get any that night.

If you forget to tell her that she's so hot you don't know if you want to share her with the world, don't expect to get any for the next week.

If you DO tell her that she's so hot that you don't want to share her with the world and you use that as an excuse to just stay in for the evening, don't expect to get any for a month.

When it comes to women, don't forget to give us head. Yes, well, get your mind out of the gutter... It begins with planting a hint in a woman's head that you cannot wait to be with her later on. Let her simmer on that thought all day. Then, we you do have your woman at hand, you must make love to her head first. No, not promises and sweet words. Those are very nice, but women need connection, intimacy. Put your hands in her hair, the nape of her neck, hold her face as you kiss her, slip your tongue into her ear and pant lightly so she can tell you're aroused and when you go for her neck, feel her melt beneath you. The neck is such a highly vulnerable and tender place on a woman, her body pools with heat and moisture. This is a female's Achilles. It's at that moment, you can rock your most aroused part against her in a mating gesture and she will part her thighs and very likely beg you to be in her right this minute! Don't miss the opportunity to whisper desperately why she arouses you so much. A woman's purpose is to be attractive and draw you in to want her and she needs to hear that and she feels powerful in a very vulnerable moment knowing that you too are overwhelmed. If you go for the head and neck first, she will give you the most mind-blowing sex she can possibly produce.

We know that it's a man's tendency to come at the woman with both hands cupped, ready to go at the three points of interest, but this just annoying for the female. It becomes apparent that you are after her parts and not the woman inside. We want you to be mad for us and then be thrilled when you discover we also come with parts.

If a woman bitches at you about the toilet seat, the lack of hygiene or dish cleaning or dirty laundry, it's really just legitimate things to gripe about when there are other things we really can't address with you, like clumsy lovemaking, lack of compliments and support, ignoring foreplay, giving us a toaster oven for our anniversary...

If you try to control a woman by telling her how to dress, how to act, what to do, what not to do, you will get a woman preparing to rebel like an angry teenager.

Women have so much to offer. Depending on if you're looking for breeding, hot sex, someone to do things with or someone who stimulates your creativity or mind, we can serve all those purposes. So, beware how and why you choose a woman. Try and get a balance of someone you can both talk to and sleep with, laugh with and look at across the breakfast table. Yes, we come with great parts, but those parts are just the fun extras on someone who stimulates your mind, heart and inspires you to be even more, long before you even bed her.

One thing you really need to know about women is we know why you picked us and we lose all security as times goes on if you picked us for looks or sex because we will age and make babies and stretch and not snap back so fresh and pretty. If you picked us for your companionship but took little interest in the sexual aspect of the relationship, we will be a roommate and companion, but hardly the passionate love of your life. If a woman knows you picked her for several features, she will always feel secure and confident in the relationship which greatly reduces any jealousy issues when we know you need us for several purposes and not just one.

Don't worry, women, I only gave them a few of our secrets.