Dale the Doll: Maybe I have Mommy Issues?

While the human is working on a new episode of LAUGH involving "Ghost Adventures" Zak Bagans and Dr. Phil having a little therapy session, it got me to thinking; do I have mommy issues?

I had this nightmare a few nights ago that my human looked like my mum. It was kind of fuzzy and strange and when I woke up, I was in a cold synthetic sweat.

I admit that my mum pushed me out the door when I was a just a little doll. I was sent away to my uncle's to learn the trade on the road, but the problem was I didn't learn the trade. I remained in a steamer trunk and traveled with him, but was never exposed to being a real ventriloquist doll. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit it, as this is probably the equivalent of a man being impotent, but I have never been used on the circuit as a talking doll. I've always had private owners.

Sometimes, I think about my mum and wonder if she would like my human, then I have to strike myself in the plastic skull because my mum hated all humans. She taught me to distrust them and use them for my own means. Still, there times when my human is so kind to me and patient, despite my acting up lately, that I kind of think of her as a mommy figure. Well, until she cradles me against her bosom, then my thoughts become downright incestuous.

So, what's a doll to do if he starts to see his owner as his mum? I haven't a clue, so if any of you followers out there who think you're so sharp know the answer, please help me. I must break this unnatural bond.

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